Блог парикмахера-колориста

[  Настроение: Счастливое ]

A couple went on vacation to a resort up north.
The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read.
One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up real early that morning and took a nap.
While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out.
She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and started reading her book.
Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing?
She says, "Reading my book. "
The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area and she explains that she's not fishing.
To which he replied, "But you have all this equipment.
I will have to take you in and write you up! "
Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady told the warden, "If you do that, I will charge you with rape. "
The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, "But I didn't even touch you. "
To which the lady replied, "Yes; but you have all the equipment! "

[  Настроение: Невозмутимое ]

[  Сейчас: Работаю  ]

Present Simple
используется чтобы:
Случай 1
Рассказать о том, что вы делаете постоянно, каждый день (неделю и т.д.), то есть о тех действиях, которые стали для вас привычными:

I brush my teeth twice a day.
Я чищу зубы два раза в день. (это происходит постоянно, каждый день и вошло в привычку).

Случай 2.
Рассказать о явлениях природы, истинах, тех фактах, которые нельзя изменить:

Water freezes at zero degrees.
Вода замерзает при 0° градусов. (это факт, который нельзя оспорить)
My birthday is on the 10th of May.
Мой день рождения – 10 мая. (день рождения нельзя изменить)

Случай 3
Рассказать о действии, которое происходит вообще, т.е. нам не важно, когда оно происходит:

I go to school.
Я хожу в школу.

Случай 4
Если в предложении есть слова: every day (week,year) – каждый день (неделю, год); usually – обычно; always – всегда; often – часто; seldom – редко; on Mondays (Fridays etc)- по понедельникам (пятницам и т.д.)

I often play basketball.
Я часто играю в баскетбол.

Упражнение

1. Выберите предложение с использованием Present Simple

She chats with Petra from South Carolina.
There was a lot of chatting about it.
We chatted for a while, and I told him a little bit about myself.

2. Выберите предложение, которое описывает факт, который нельзя изменить:

My sister usually goes to the park.
Moscow is in Russia.

3. Выберите предложение, которое описывает регулярное, постоянное действие:

I go to school every day.
I am 25 years old.

4. Выберите предложение, которое описывает повторяющееся действие:

I do the washing-up on Sundays.
I am doing the washing-up.
I will do the washing-up.

[  Настроение: Задорное ]

***
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is a husband.
***
One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, “When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me thesmaller; You don’t love me any more…”
“Nonsense, darling,” replied the husband, “you just cook better now. ”
Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on thetown.

After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel.

The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager:

'Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so oldand drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference. '

The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of theirbusiness.

As they are walking home the first man says,

'You know, I think my girl was dead! '

'Dead? ' says his friend, 'Why do you say that? '

'Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her. ' His friend says,'Could be worse I think mine was a witch. '

'A witch ??. . why the hell would you say that? '

'Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck, and I gave her a little bite, then shefarted and flew out the window..... took my teeth with her! '
***
A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bagspacked. He asked her where she was going and she replied "I'm going to Las Vegas. "

He questioned her as to why she was going and she told him "I just found out that I can make$400. 00 a night doing what I give you for free".

He pondered that then went into the house and packed his bags and returned to the porchand with his wife. She said "And just where do you think you're going? "

"I'm going too!! " he replied.

"Why? " She asked.

"I want to see how you are going to live on $800. 00 a year"!
***
"What time does the library open? " the man on the phone asked.

"Nine A. M. " came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of thenight to ask a question like that? "

"Not until nine A. M.? " the man asked in a disappointed* voice.
"No, not till nine A. M.! " the librarian said. "And why do you want to get in before nine A. M.? "

"Who said I wanted to get in? " the man at the other end of the wire sighed sadly. "I want toget out. "
***
Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied; "What makes you think I'd want another man like you! "

Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump! "
The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor! "
The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious. "
***
Son - I want a baby brother .
Mom - your dad is overseas. When he comes back we will talk over it .
Son - why dont you give him a surprise ?
***
A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!
***
A fat man meet a thin one. "From the looks of you," he said, "there must have been a famine."
"And from the looks of you," answered the thin one, "you're the man who caused it. "
***
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news. "
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first. "
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live. "
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news? "
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday. "
***
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet God and asks God if he can ask him a fewquestions.
"Sure," God says, "Go right ahead".

"OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty? "
God says, "So you would like them. "

"OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful? "
"So you would love them", God replies.

The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads? "
God says, "So they would love you! "
***
The guy asks his girl:
"Honey, somebody told you ever how smart you are? "
"No one told. You will be first. "
"No, I will not. "
***
A bum asks a man for $2.
The man asked, "Will you buy booze? "
The bum said, "No. "
The man asked, "Will you gamble it away? "
The bum said, "No. "
Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to aman who doesn't drink or gamble? "
***
A woman selling apples in New York is puzzled by a man who always comes by, pays aquarter, but never picks up an apple. This goes on for some time until, one day, the womanruns after the man as he walks away. 'I know why you are chasing after me... you want to knowwhy I always pay a quarter but never take an apple,' the man says. The woman replies: 'No, Iwanted to tell you that the price has just gone up'.
***
A young lady comes to fortuneteller and asks:
- John and Bill are in love with me, could you tell me who will be lucky to marry me?
- John will be lucky, as it is Bill who will marry you...
***
A guy comes to get a job. The personnel manager said to him:
- The first 2 months you will earn the salary of $800 per month and later it will be $1,000.
- Well, I shall come to you after a couple of months later.

Задание: прочитать, перевести для себя (устно), выписать с переводом новые слова.
Q: Daddy.. why did we attack Iraq?
A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction,
honey.
Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass
destruction.
A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.
Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.
Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any
weapons of mass destruction, did we?
A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden.
Don't worry, we'll find something, probably right
before the 2004 election.
Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass
destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.
Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that
they planned to use in a war, then why didn't they use
any of those weapons when we went to war with them?
A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know
they had those weapons, so they chose to die by the
thousands rather than defend themselves.
Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they
choose to die if they had all those big weapons to
fight us back with?
A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make
sense.
Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had
any of those weapons our government said they did.
A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not
they had those weapons. We had another good reason to
invade them anyway.
Q: And what was that?
A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass
destruction, Saddam Hussein was a cruel dictator,
which is another good reason to invade another
country.
Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK
to invade his country?
A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.
Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good
economic competitor, where millions of people work for
slave wages in sweatshops to make U. S. corporations
richer.
Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for
American corporate gain, it's a good country, even if
that country tortures people?
A: Right.
Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the
government. People who criticized the government in
Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?
A: I told you, China is different.
Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath
party, while China is Communist.
Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?
A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.
Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the
government in Cuba are sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Like in Iraq?
A: Exactly.
Q: And like in China, too?
A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor.
Cuba, on the other hand, is not.
Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?
A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our
government passed some laws that made it illegal for
Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba until
they stopped being Communists and started being
capitalists like us.
Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade
with Cuba, and started doing business with them,
wouldn't that help the Cubans become capitalists?
A: Don't be a smart-ass.
Q: I didn't think I was being one.
A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of
religion in Cuba.
Q: Kind of like China and the @! #$ movement?
A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China.
Anyway, Saddam Hussein came to power through a
military coup, so he's not really a legitimate leader
anyway.
Q: What's a military coup?
A: That's when a military general takes over the
government of a country by force, instead of holding
free elections like we do in the United States.
Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a
military coup?
A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he
did, but Pakistan is our friend.
Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is
illegitimate?
A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.
Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to
power by forcibly overthrowing the legitimate
government of a nation is an illegitimate leader?
A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our
friend, because he helped us invade Afghanistan.
Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.
Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men, fifteen of
them Saudi Arabians, hijacked four airplanes and flew
three of them into buildings,killing over 3,000
Americans.
Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under
the oppressive rule of the Taliban.
Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who
chopped off people's heads and hands?
A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did
they chop off people's heads and hands, but they
oppressed women, too.
Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43
million dollars back in May of 2001?
A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did
such a good job fighting drugs.
Q: Fighting drugs?
A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping
people from growing opium poppies.
Q: How did they do such a good job?
A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium
poppies, the Taliban would have their hands and heads
cut off.
Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and
hands for growing flowers, that was OK, but not if
they cut people's heads and hands off for other
reasons?
A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic
fundamentalists cut off people's hands for growing
flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's hands
for stealing bread.
Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in
Saudi Arabia?
A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a
tyrannical patriarchy that oppressed women and forced
them to wear burqas whenever they were in public, with
death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not
comply.
Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public,
too?
A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic
body covering.
Q: What's the difference?
A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi
women is a modest yet fashionable garment that covers
all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers.
The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of
patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's
body except for her eyes and fingers.
Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different
name.
A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi
Arabia. The Saudis are our friends.
Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on
September 11th were from Saudi Arabia.
A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.
Q: Who trained them?
A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.
Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a
bad man, a very bad man.
Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel
the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist
Empire Ronald Reagan talked about?
A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke
up in 1990 or thereabouts, and now they have elections
and capitalism like us. We call them Russians now.
Q: So the Soviets, I mean, the Russians, are now our
friends?
A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends
for many years after they stopped being Soviets, but
then they decided not to support our invasion of Iraq,
so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French
and the Germans because they didn't help us invade
Iraq either.
Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had
to rename French fries and French toast to Freedom
Fries and Freedom Toast.
Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country
doesn't do what we want them to do?
A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we
invade.
Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the
1980s?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.
Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran,
which made him our friend, temporarily.
Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the
time, we looked the other way, to show him we were his
friend.
Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies
automatically becomes our friend?
A: Most of the time, yes.
Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is
automatically an enemy?
A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American
corporations can profit by selling weapons to both
sides at the same time, all the better.
Q: Why?
A: Because war is good for the economy, which means
war is good for America. Also, since God is on
America's side, anyone who opposes war is a godless
un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we
attacked Iraq?
Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us
to, right?
A: Yes.
Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W.
Bush and tells him what to do.
Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we
attacked Iraq because George W. Bush hears voices in
his head?
A. Yes! You finally understand how the world works.
Now close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go
to sleep. Good night.
Q: Good night, Daddy.

Посмотреть перевод слов, если есть незнакомые - подписать.

1. about 2. after 3. again 4. air 5. all
6. along 7. also 8. an 9. and 10. another
11. any 12. are 13. around 14. as 15. at
16. away 17. back 18. be 19. because 20. been
21. before 22. below 23. between 24. both 25. but
26. by 27. came 28. can 29. come 30. could
31. day 32. did 33. different 34. do 35. does
36. don't 37. down 38. each 39. end 40. even
41. every 42. few 43. find 44. first 45. for
46. found 47. from 48. get 49. give 50. go
51. good 52. great 53. had 54. has 55. have
56. he 57. help 58. her 59. here 60. him
61. his 62. home 63. house 64. how 65. I
66. if 67. in 68. into 69. is 70. it
71. its 72. just 73. know 74. large 75. last
76. left 77. like 78. line 79. little 80. long
81. look 82. made 83. make 84. man 85. many
86. may 87. me 88. men 89. might 90. more
91. most 92. Mr. 93. must 94. my 95. name
96. never 97. new 98. next 99. no 100. not
101. now 102. number 103. of 104. off 105. old
106. on 107. one 108. only 109. or 110. other
111. our 112. out 113. over 114. own 115. part
116. people 117. place 118. put 119. read 120. right
121. said 122. same 123. saw 124. say 125. see
126. she 127. should 128. show 129. small 130. so
131. some 132. something 133. sound 134. still 135. such
136. take 137. tell 138. than 139. that 140. the
141. them 142. then 143. there 144. these 145. they
146. thing 147. think 148. this 149. those 150. thought
151. three 152. through 153. time 154. to 155. together
156. too 157. two 158. under 159. up 160. us
161. use 162. very 163. want 164. water 165. way
166. we 167. well 168. went 169. were 170. what
171. when 172. where 173. which 174. while 175. who
176. why 177. will 178. with 179. word 180. work
181. world 182. would 183. write 184. year 185. you
186. your 187. was

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